"What Will People Think?"

Sometimes I hear people say, “I’m worried what people will think of me” or “I don’t want to disappoint my family.”

I’ve noticed that people who experience these type of thoughts worry about choosing a career their family doesn’t agree with, moving away from home, setting a boundary with a family member, dating someone outside of the culture, or simply wanting something different from what was expected from them..

Personally, I have seen individuals be shunned or treated differently due to making a decision that does not align with their family or cultural values.

It also makes it difficult when they observe other families from their culture display disappointment towards family member’s decisions that don’t align with the standard expectations.

Acculturation is the process of adapting to a culture that is different from the one we grew up in. For people who grow up navigating more than one culture, this experience can be complicated. There can be pressure to fit into one world while still feeling connected to another.

And sometimes, the hardest part isn’t making the decision, it’s thinking about what might happen once a person makes that decision.

“Will I disappoint my family?”

“What if they don’t support me anymore?”

“Am I making the right decision in the long run?”

These questions can contribute to what we call acculturation stress—the emotional strain that can come from navigating cultural expectations, identity, family roles, language, and the pressure to adapt.

Often times, there can be unspoken expectations to succeed, keep up family traditions, put family needs first, or avoid choices that could bring criticism or shame. At the same time, surrounding cultures may encourage independence and making choices based on what feels right for them versus what others expect. Trying to navigate both can be exhausting and cause people to feel isolated while they are choosing their own pathway.

Folks can start to constantly wonder whether they are being true to themself or becoming the person everyone else expects them to be.

But honoring themself does not mean they are rejecting their culture.

A person can value where they come from while also allowing themself to grow and change. They can love their family and still have boundaries. They can acknowledge and respect traditions while also deciding which ones still align with their values. They can care about their culture and community while making choices that may look different from what others had expected.

And this process can bring up a lot of emotions—guilt, grief, anxiety, or even loneliness.

Those feelings don’t necessarily mean they are making the wrong choice or decision.. Sometimes, they are simply part of realizing that something important is changing.

Therapy can be a space to explore these experiences without feeling like a person has to choose between a culture and themself. There can be room for the values, traditions, relationships, and expectations that shaped a person while also making space for the individual they are becoming.

A person does not have to stop caring about what other people think.

Maybe the goal is simply making sure others' opinions aren’t the only ones that matter.

Because belonging shouldn’t require one to lose themself.

Until next time, stay golden,

Shabnam Brar, LCSW 113587