Although we may be approaching the most wonderful time of the year, it's also often the most stressful and can wreak havoc on our relationship with our partner. Even the happiest and most high-functioning couples can face challenges during this season.
Here are a few ways to holiday-proof your relationship and focus on the joy, love, and, let’s be honest, the delicious food.
Boundaries and Managing Expectations
Whether it's deciding to spend the holiday with one family, splitting time between both, or spending it alone, setting and maintaining boundaries is crucial during the holiday season. The holidays are often the busiest time of the year for many couples, leading to over-commitment to work, family, and social events, which can result in exhaustion, stress, and even neglect of time with your partner. Stress often arises from both external expectations and self-imposed pressures. By setting boundaries as a couple, you foster a “we” mentality rather than an “I” mentality, which helps to strengthen your bond and prioritize your relationship.
Communicate your needs with your partner early on. Before assuming your partner can or wants to commit to additional holiday parties or traveling to multiple family gatherings, check in with them. Give them the time and space to share their thoughts and feelings about the holiday plans.
Remember “small things often”
With a hectic holiday schedule, couples can tend to put their relationship on the back burner. We become so busy and distracted that we don’t stop to check in with each other, which can cause us to feel distant from our partner. To avoid this emotional disconnection, be intentional about setting time aside to reconnect with one another in between the hustle and bustle.
Incorporate a daily dose of the three A’s — attention, appreciation and affection. Relationships thrive when we are intentional and foster a climate of acceptance, recognition and thankfulness. Simple things like saying I love you, sharing a “6 second kiss” (read more on that here) and saying “thank you” for the big, and small things your partner does this holiday season (and all year round) are easy and quick ways to stay connected with your partner.
Be sure to carve out quality one-on-one time with your partner (hello, date night) during this season. The Gottman Institute emphasizes the importance of “small things often”—small, everyday gestures of positive intention and presence, like spending quality time together. These actions "grow your emotional bank account," providing stability and resilience to protect you from the negative effects of conflict and holiday stress.
Create Traditions to Cultivate Connection
When we enter into a relationship a unique opportunity is presented in learning about your partner’s family traditions and rituals of connections. While it is important to keep traditions, it is equally important to be open to creating new ones as well. The beauty of a relationship is not only combining your traditions, but eventually establishing your own. Create a couple’s tradition and make one that is unique to your relationship. This should be a tradition you both agree upon, and keep it simple! Christmas tree shopping, making ornaments or baking, watching the same holiday movie every year. Shared experiences can create lasting memories and strengthen your bond.
Till next time,
Aimee Strange, LPCC 14132