Women’s History Month: Carrying it Forward

Women’s History Month is a time in which many of us reflect on women’s resilience and the systems that shaped our stories. While there are many noteworthy trailblazers to celebrate as we consider women that shaped history, I would like to take a moment to honor those whose stories were never centered. There are names of women we remember, but many more that we do not remember, whose bold pursuit toward equity paved the way to break down harmful gender stereotypes, reduce gender-based violence, foster more balanced partnerships, and so much more.

As a mental health professional, I continue to witness firsthand how significant these issues remain and their negative impact not only on women, but individuals, families, and communities as a whole as women’s emotional labor, survival and resilience goes unrecognized and unaddressed. Women’s History Month reminds us that progress didn’t happen accidentally, but because these named and unnamed women pursued it relentlessly through creating, organizing, and using their voice to challenge systems when it was dangerous or ostracizing for them to do so. 

Understanding the cost of this bravery inspires deep gratitude, and the sacrifices which shaped our culture and community in lasting ways compel me toward a sense of responsibility to support healing that further empowers the next generation. There are moments this responsibility feels overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that regardless of gender, we all have the ability to create change when we recognize how even micro-moments of connection and accountability are acts toward this empowerment. 

Micro-moments of connection and accountability that are acts toward safety, equity, and respect: 

Believe and validate disclosures of fear or violence:

• “I’m really glad you told me.”

• “What happened to you wasn’t okay.” 

• “This matters. Let’s look together for resources to support you.” 

• Challenge victim blaming language - the responsibility is ALWAYS on the person who harmed

Model consent language (even in small ways):

• “Can I hug you?”

• “We can stop any time.” 

• “Do you have the bandwidth to talk about something heavy right now?”

• “Tell me if anything starts to feel uncomfortable.” 

• "I should have checked in first, I’m sorry for assuming.”

Encourage accountability among men:

• Men encouraging other men to see themselves as active allies in promoting and protecting safety

  • Call out sexism and safety concerns among other men 

  • Interrupt harmful jokes or comments 

• Men checking for power dynamics in conversations

  • “I want to make sure you feel comfortable disagreeing with me”

  • “I realized I interrupted you earlier, what were you trying to say?”

• Advocating for equitable partnerships

  • Notice gendered defaults in household roles and question them 

  • Speak openly about your own efforts to intentionally share the mental load in your household

  • Address goals of increasing shared partnership in couples therapy

Women supporting women across contexts

• Challenge scarcity narratives that fuel competition amongst women by celebrating another women’s success rather than comparing it to your own

• Encourage quieter voices 

• Support women as they are setting boundaries

• Avoid comments that contribute to pitting women against each other (appearance, motherhood, career choices, etc)

Challenge limiting stereotypes and expectations:

• Address assumed strengths (i.e. women aren’t ‘naturally better’ at organizing - these expectations are learned)

• Ask yourself and others “I wonder if we’d say that about a man in the same situation”

• Recognize men’s capacity for self regulation and accountability, normalize men having boundaries and saying no to sex

• Challenge language that labels women as “emotional,” “dramatic,” or “difficult” to affirm the validity of a woman's anger and assertiveness

As you hold these non-exhaustive ideas in mind, ask yourself what small action can I take this week to create more safety, equity, or respect in my relationships? The right balance of connection and accountability gives us the power to plant seeds of transformative change that acknowledges our intergenerational connection by honoring the women who came before us and doing our best to protect those who will come after. 

Thank you for the opportunity to connect with you,

Delane McGuire, LMFT 153929